


Not Gonna Kill You

by Heathlily33



Series: Pedestrian at Best [2]
Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2019-11-07 09:57:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17958335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heathlily33/pseuds/Heathlily33
Summary: Carol, but modern, now post-canon.





	1. Chapter 1

The sound of rain pattering against the window woke Therese before her alarm did. It was only 6:15 and still dark outside. The steady stream of air being blown on her shoulder told her Carol hadn’t yet woken up behind her. Therese turned around to look watch Carol sleep. She wished she could just let her spend the day relaxing. She’d been so stressed with her new job and moving to her new apartment and meeting with her lawyer each week and _still_ bent over backward to do anything and everything for Therese. 

It had been two weeks and one day exactly since Therese called Carol and told her to cancel her dinner plans with Jeanette and Cy. Two weeks since Carol had run outside from Abby’s house and could hardly stop telling Therese that she loved her long enough for Therese to say it back. And when she finally did Carol looked at her in amazement and asked, “you do?” It was then Therese realized Carol wasn’t even sure Therese loved her, but she still wanted Therese to know how she felt anyway. _That,_ mixed with the feeling of Carol’s racing pulse under the hand on her neck turned Therese into a puddle. She didn’t understand exactly what she did to be the one to deserve all of Carol’s vulnerability, but she sure wasn’t willing to ever let it go.

After they’d stood on the sidewalk for far too long to look sane - Therese just stroking Carol’s cheek with her thumb - she asked Carol if she was hungry. When Carol said yes, Therese responded, “you look hungry.” 

She said it with a smile but Carol’s face fell a bit and her cheeks flushed. Therese corrected herself before Carol could say anything. 

“Carol, you look beautiful beyond words. As always. I was just teasing you, okay?”

Carol nodded and was back to smiling. Therese asked where she wanted to eat but Carol said she didn’t care - she’d go anywhere. It was about more than the restaurant, Therese knew. She thought about where they could go that Carol would want to order everything and sit forever - Carol liked Asian food and Italian and fish. Therese turned her head from one side to the other, looking as if there would be a restaurant right across the street. She remembered a place west 10th and grabbed Carol’s hand and pulled.

“Let’s go.” 

Carol curled her fingers and held tightly, letting Therese lead the way.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, another posting without proofreading. Oh well. Anyway, here it is!

_Therese turned her head from one side to the other, looking as if there would be a restaurant right across the street. She remembered a place west 10th and grabbed Carol’s hand and pulled._

_“Let’s go.”_

_Carol curled her fingers and held tightly, letting Therese lead the way._

—-

When they got to the restaurant Therese breathed a sigh of relief that there wouldn’t be a wait - Carol _hated_ waiting for things. She wasn’t an asshole about it - she just didn’t think anything was worth it. Therese imagined that might’ve changed. The hostess was taking them to a table when Therese spotted a different one tucked into the window. It was set for three people but it was on a corner and adorned with pillows and almost hidden away from everything else. Therese wanted to sit as close to Carol as humanly - and appropriately in a public setting - possible, so she found herself saying, “listen, I hate to be _that_ person, but can we have that table instead?”

After Carol looked to see where she was pointing, she turned back to the hostess with a hopeful smile. 

The hostess looked conflicted, “I usually would but I have a reservation for three - ”

And then Carol chimed in, “I will literally give you a hundred dollars.” As she said it she pulled out her wallet, extracting two fifties, eyes set on the girl. Therese loved that some things _never_ changed. 

Taking the money, the hostess said, “I’ll find another spot for them.”

Therese rolled her eyes when Carol looked to her, winking. But she loved it and she was sure Carol knew it.

They sat and Carol thanked the hostess again, telling her, “if I didn’t already have a child, I would name my first born after you.” 

Carol looked like she was trying to make herself even smaller in her spot on the window bench they shared, legs crossed and hands in her lap, looking mostly down unless Therese spoke. She was nervous. _Really_ nervous, it seemed, so Therese pulled a hand from her lap and grasped it in her own. 

“Hey, Carol, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I miss you and I want you to talk to me.”

Guilty eyes met hers. “I’m sorry. I just can’t believe you’re here and I’m sitting with you. I love you.”

It was like Carol couldn’t stop saying it but Therese didn’t mind because she would never tire of hearing it or saying it back. “I love you too.” She tickled the palm of Carol’s hand with her fingers. “Now let’s figure out what to eat because I’m starving.” 

This seemed to put Carol at a little bit of ease because she quickly turned to the menu and pointed out several things, even waving her hand in dismiss at Therese when Therese expressed reluctance about something she’d never had before. “Just trust me, you’ll like it.” Carol ordered a bottle of wine and remembered the cocktail she hadn’t touched from earlier - and Therese was dumb enough to not stop herself before commenting that Genevieve drank it after Carol had left. Carol gave her an annoyed look and said, “seriously?”

Both were sick of crying, so they agreed to not, which meant leaving some topics tabled for later discussion. Therese wanted to hear about Carol’s new job, considering she’d spent enough time telling Carol about her own. Hearing Carol talk about her three interviews that turned into three more and then another additional three, and about how anxious she had been, Therese felt horrible. She felt horrible that Carol had to go through that alone - knowing how much she dreaded interviews and talking about herself. She felt annoyed that Carol could’ve called her but didn’t, and awful that she had stopped her attempts to reach out weeks prior. “You couldn’t have known,” Carol reassured her. She said she had chosen the offer at her new company because it had the least amount of travel and, admittedly, the highest salary. Before accepting, Carol told Therese she’d managed to squeeze an additional four percent out of them, and Therese was so proud all of the other feelings dissolved into the air.

They sat for over three hours, catching each other up on every detail of the past seven weeks months. Therese told her that she’d actually gone running a few times, using the shoes Carol bought her, and Carol seemed impressed. Carol told her about her new apartment, and how Abby convinced her to call upon Tessie ( _did Therese remember Tessie?_ ) for help finding it. Therese talked about going to an exhibit at the New Museum with Dannie that she wished Carol had been there for. And when Carol laid out the interaction she’d had with Harge the previous Sunday, Therese did her best to keep her face calm, not wanting Carol to feel uncomfortable about anything. But inside Therese was floating. Harge wouldn’t have Carol under his thumb anymore. At least not as much, not to the point where he could control Carol’s life like he’d wanted. 

Therese grinned too wide in spite of herself and Carol asked, “what are you thinking about?”

“I just love you and I think you’re amazing.”

At first Carol smiled but it quickly dropped away and she hung her head. “How can you possibly think that?”

Not wanting to get into _what happened_ just yet, Therese told Carol to believe her, that she thought Carol was incredible. It was true, too. Maybe Carol had handled things in a less than tactful way, but that didn’t change the fact that she had done what she thought was the right thing, even when it obviously hurt, overwhelmingly so. It was clear Carol thought the best thing for Therese was to not be wrapped up in a vicious situation; the best thing for Harge was making sure he didn’t feel slighted and provoked by Carol; the best thing for Rindy was to have Carol fight tooth and nail for her - despite it meaning undermining her own health. 

The least shocking part was hearing that Abby had been the voice of reason, saying that Harge would never be satisfied unless he got what he wanted and Rindy’s happiness was important but it was separate from Carol’s, and it would never make Carol happy by association. And that’s when Carol called Therese. 

They didn’t want to be the last table left, so Therese asked for the check and Carol grabbed it, snatching it away from Therese’s outstretched hand. Carol drew eyes to the ceiling with an, “oh, _please._ ” She tipped far more than necessary, as always, justifying it by reminding Therese they’d sat at the poor server’s table essentially the entire night. 

Snow had started falling heavily now and it blended into the white fur of Carol’s coat when they stepped onto the sidewalk. Therese fluffed the arms of it, brushing the snow away while admiring the softness, and Carol lit up. “Look, I have a matching hat!” A white fur trapper hat was extracted from her bag and slipped it on, making them both laugh in the process. Therese pulled on the ear flaps and watched Carol grin. Carol’s breathing was noticeably quicker as she stared back at Therese. Her eyes were dark and it became glaringly apparent to Therese that she hadn’t kissed Carol yet. And that needed to be fixed, _now._

So she leaned in, thankful that the heel on her boots put her at Carol’s height, and pressed her lips to Carol’s. Her entire body buzzed when she felt hands at her waist, her own leaving the sides of Carol’s hat to rest on her collarbones. 

Carol pulled back, resting her forehead against Therese’s. “I can’t explain how much I’ve missed that.” 

She didn’t need to explain because Therese knew exactly the feeling. And they kissed again and again, just short of making out on the sidewalk. As much as Therese wanted Carol to spend the night with her, she knew that tonight was not a good idea. They both had to be up early, Therese particularly so, and if they thought they could just have sex and go to bed, they would be fooling themselves. 

Therese told Carol this and Carol looked disappointed, scared even, but agreed, albeit very hesitantly. But worried look on Carol’s face was explained when she asked, “when can I see you again?”

It had been obvious, Therese thought, but maybe to Carol it hadn’t. She gave her a reassuring smile. “Tomorrow night, I figured. Unless you - ”

Probably knowing how the sentence would end, Carol’s head shook quickly. “No, I have nothing tomorrow. I just want to see you. Should I meet you after work?”

The buzzing feeling from kissing Carol still hadn’t stopped and it only intensified when Carol looked at her with hope and want and need. “Yes, do you mind meeting me at my office?”

And Carol of course didn’t mind, and she kissed Therese more before Therese stopped her and told her they should both be getting home. Carol waited for Therese’s Uber to show up and pressed her lips to her ear and told her she loved her before Therese got into the car. 

On the ride home, Therese thought about how she’d nearly made the biggest mistake of her life tonight. She’d nearly dismissed Carol and shattered her chance to find out all that they could become. Tomorrow night she wanted Carol to come to _her_ place. Carol’s was all packed up, anyway. One time Therese had remarked that Carol had never _really_ come over and Carol just shrugged and said, “invite me.” Phil would be gone until late tomorrow and Therese would do just that. 

—-

Walking into the office the next day, Therese remembered she’d have some explaining to do to Alice and a few others about her no-show at the event yesterday. Surely Genevieve had given them next to nothing, considering her c'est la vie attitude about it all. 

She sought out Alice first thing, apologizing, and then launching into what she planned to be a brief explanation. A simple, “that woman I told you about before, Carol, told me she loved me and now we’re a thing again. [ _again?_ ] I think.” But Alice wasn’t taking that for an answer, and fifteen minutes later she found herself with an audience comprised of a nearly a dozen coworkers hanging on her every word as if she was explaining the plot of _The Notebook_ to them for the first time. She ended her story with Carol questioning, “you do?” and they all audibly swooned, a few gasps and some hands clutching over hearts. She couldn’t say she didn’t enjoy her friends’ dramatics: “god, I wish I was a lesbian,” “you and Carol make me and my boyfriend sound like we’re just friends,” and “Therese, you’re going to make a hot stepmom.” 

Grace chimed in too. “Wait, did you say _Carol Aird?_ I know Carol Aird. I interviewed her like four years ago when I was interning for The Cut. White? Blonde hair?”

Therese quirked an eyebrow in surprise. “That’s the one.” She was interested but hesitant. Carol four years ago was a different person. An irrational jealousy soured within her too. Therese wanted to be the one who knew Carol four years ago. 

“You said she’s meeting you here after work. Can I say hi?” Grace smiled. Carol had told Therese she wished that she knew her friends better. Maybe this was a start. Plus, there wasn’t really a way to turn her down. 

“Okay.” 

Just before six Therese walked out onto Varick with Grace is tow. They spotted Carol standing by the building, talking on her phone. As they approached Therese took it all in: Carol, meeting her after work. She looked fantastic too - black skinny jeans and Therese could see a super sheer white button down she’d always liked underneath a black hooded parka. Carol smiled at both of them before holding up one finger to ask for a minute so she could talk to whoever-it-was before hanging up to _really_ smile and say hi - mostly to Therese. 

Grace was not shy whatsoever. “Hey! So Therese was talking _all_ about you and I realized _Carol Aird._ I interviewed you like four years ago during winter fashion week about brand strategy.”

Carol shook her hand and tilted her head a bit, trying to place her. “What was your name?”

“Grace!” She continued, undeterred. “You were pregnant and not super happy and you said you wanted Thai food. And I said that I was pretty sure we were having Korean food for lunch. And then you - ”

She was cut off by Carol, who was covering her face in embarrassment. “I drew you a map of Asia and pointed out Thailand. Oh _god._ I’m so sorry. I was awful when I was pregnant. Jesus Christ.”

The conversation made Therese smirk while listening. She had always wanted to ask Carol about things like this - about being pregnant and when Rindy was born - but it never seemed like a good time. Now she was relieved they hadn’t met _then._ She mentally thanked her less polite friend for her forwardness. 

Grace was a chatterbox. “Don’t be sorry, I thought it was hilarious. And impressive, lots of detail.” She talked more, asking Carol about the new brand she worked for, because Therese couldn’t remember the name, and when Carol told her Grace groaned and animately said, _“I die”_ and Therese’s eyes caught Carol’s and she smirked. Eventually Grace left Carol and Therese to themselves, leaving them with an invitation to hang out sometime. 

Finally alone together among a sea of strangers, Carol gazed at Therese. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself.” Therese couldn’t wait another second and leaned forward into what was supposed to be a quick kiss, but somehow her hand wove itself into Carol’s hair and it deepened fast before they broke apart. 

Her face still just inches away, Carol whispered “ _I die,_ ” just like Grace had and winked, stepping away and toward the train leaving Therese laughing until she rushed to catch up.

—-

Therese and Carol made their way to the 1 train. All day Therese had thought of what to do with the apartment all to herself, specifically what to do to Carol in it. They’d order dinner, of course - Therese didn’t want to have to leave - and Therese wanted to show Carol all of the pictures she’d taken of her. Even if she didn’t like them at first, it didn’t matter. The photos were stunning and Carol was stunning and Therese couldn’t do without them.

Arriving home the night before, Therese found Phil still awake in the living room and she let him know the cliffnotes: Carol was back and they were back and things were good. Or at least they were going to be good. He was momentarily skeptical, remembering how broken Therese had been, but relented and told Therese as long as she was happy, he was on board. 

Seeing Carol in her apartment was certainly different. She’d been there only a couple times - once to visit Therese and give her the camera bag, meeting Richard in the process, and the second time to help Therese with her bags for their trip. Now Carol was here, but this time to stay. She didn’t do as much poking and prodding as before. Her movements were timid, like last night, and she waited to move from the doorway. 

Carol seemed beside herself. Her short foray into Therese’s space was only to jokingly evaluate her living situation. Therese remembered Carol saying how nice her place was, though. She remarked that it was nicer than hers at Therese’s age. And now she was here, watching as Therese hung up her bag and her coat before remembering her manners. 

“Oh my god - Carol! Give me your coat, please. Don’t just stand there.”

It was then that she realized Carol was nervous all over again, almost reset to the previous night, slowly handing her things for Therese to put away in the coat closet. Her body was like a magnet to the wall. Therese wanted to change that so badly. Therese never wanted to rush Carol because Carol certainly hadn’t with her. But she knew what Carol wanted, she just wouldn’t initiate anything, maybe irrationally afraid of rejection or ashamed still by their time apart. Sensing this, Therese decided to lead the way, and she dragged Carol by the hand into her bedroom and pushed her back onto the bed. 

Lying next to each other and just kissing and cuddling didn’t last long. It only took minutes for Therese to nearly rip off the sheer blouse she loved seeing Carol in so much. She liked it much better on the floor where it belonged. Another shirt joined it and then jeans were kicked off and when Carol unclasped Therese’s bra and threw it into the abyss of her room, she took a sharp breath in and stopped to let her eyes wander all over Therese, her hands sliding underwear off as well. 

“You’re perfect.” Therese knew Carol looked at her like that because she really thought that about Therese, and because she found her beautiful (Therese knew that, but she didn’t have to understand it). But part of Therese remembered that Carol spent most of her life wanting, but not allowing herself, to look at women in general like this. Something about being the person Carol could no longer deny herself for made Therese want to make Carol feel just as perfect under her gaze. 

She was pretty sure she did. Three times, actually. There was lost time to make up and had they stopped at one, things would have wrapped up a little too quick for Therese’s liking. And the second time was better than the first, because Carol didn’t hold back like she had at first, and she told Therese she loved her when she came, and kept saying it like the sweetest broken record as Therese kissed her way back up her body. 

And they laid there after, breathing heavy through dense air, Therese running her hand through Carol’s sweaty hair. She couldn’t remember a time where she’d felt as satisfied - both sexually and with herself - in her entire life. There was no use trying to think of one, because it didn’t exist. 

Suddenly, something snapped within Carol and she started crying. Sobbing, really. Not some sort of passion-induced tears, either, but ones that alarmed Therese and made her sit up and bring Carol upright with her. Carol’s hands covered her face and the apologies tumbled out. The conversations they had been putting off - for this reason - were scattered through the room like their clothes. She didn’t want to leave Therese like that but she was too scared to watch herself lose her, scared to see herself fail again. She shouldn’t have ignored Therese’s calls and texts, but she was so unsure and didn’t want Therese to see her that way, and didn’t want Therese to be put on the battlefield of her divorce. 

And then Therese cried too, less uncontrollable and more angry. Carol should’ve talked to her and asked her just how much she could handle. Carol had always pushed her to make decisions, but denied her the opportunity when it mattered the most. Carol agreed, and she was so sorry, and she felt completely lost without Therese and she was so afraid Therese had outgrown her. 

And that, _that,_ was where all of the anxiety Carol hadn’t let go of was living. In the idea that Therese had moved on, moved past her.

“Carol, look at me.” Therese lifted her face with hands on either cheek, Carol’s makeup was everywhere and her eyes just kept producing tears, somehow. “I grew _because_ of you, to be with you. Not away from you. And so did you. Why do you think I came back?”

—-

Now, two weeks later, Therese watched Carol sleep. She fought the urge to lean down and kiss her lips and bury her hands in her hair. Instead, she grabbed Carol’s phone on the bedside table and entered the passcode to turn off her alarm. Her four alarms. One at 6:25 and then three more - each seven minutes apart - after that. She kept them on even though she usually woke up to the first one. She would forget they existed until seven minutes passed and they startled her momentarily while she laid awake or brushed her teeth or put on makeup. Therese could feel the anxiety radiating from Carol even while she slept. 

There was still anxiety she held about their relationship, Therese thought. She’d relaxed considerably, but still was constantly apologizing to Therese through her actions: Carol would wake up and make them coffee; it was Carol who came to Therese to stay at her place most nights, despite having everything to unpack at her new apartment; Carol met Therese at _her_ work; if they didn’t go out, Carol made them dinner. Therese had just gotten used to it without keeping in mind the toll it was taking on Carol. She didn’t want Carol to do everything, but since Carol’s breakdown in her bed, Therese had slipped back into the passenger seat as Carol began her apology tour. 

Last night, though, things caught up to Carol. She didn’t leave work until almost nine, and when Carol asked, “do you want me to come over?” Therese said yes, because of course she did. Carol came in and looked exhausted. Totally spent. She said she was too tired to eat and just wanted to lay down. She felt light-headed. Therese laid next to her in bed, thinking they’d get up after a bit and watch a movie or something. But Carol fell asleep in minutes. Therese knew she’d kick herself for falling asleep with her makeup on, so she dug through Carol’s bag and found remover and cotton pads, gently running one over her face until she got off what she could. 

Therese hadn’t seen Carol sleep for more eight hours any night in the past fifteen days. Not every single one had been spent together, a few nights Carol had gone home, usually having to wake up irritatingly early the next day. But Therese knew Carol hadn’t slept differently then. Definitely not better, at least. 

Therese slipped out of bed, double checking that she’d turned off all of Carol’s alarms, and made the coffee. In her fridge she found eggs and kale and feta - it was Phil’s, but he’d survive - and set it out to make scrambled eggs Carol. Therese showered quickly and started her makeup, checking the time periodically. Once it reached quarter to seven, she went back to Carol, still asleep, and knelt on the floor next to the bed. Her chin rested on the mattress and she ran her fingers through Carol’s hair, coaxing her awake. 

Eyes finally blinked back at her, slowly registering their surroundings. And then panic. “What time is it?” Carol tried to jump up but Therese stopped her. 

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s only 6:45. I’m already ready to go so you can take your time.” 

Every morning they spent together, Carol got up well before Therese to get ready first, just so Therese could sleep in longer. It was the challenge of one bathroom. Luckily Phil didn’t wake up until after they’d both left for work, or else she’d probably hear Carol’s alarm at four in the morning.

Therese nudged Carol to lay back down. She had a bit more time. Carol had condensed her morning routine to about forty five minutes, but Therese knew she spent time at work finishing the lasts of her makeup. 

“There’s coffee and I’m going to make you breakfast while you’re in the shower. You have to eat it because you didn’t eat last night.” 

Carol just nodded an ‘okay’ and Therese told her she’d put a bunch of other things - a protein bar, an orange, a filled water bottle - in her bag. Therese wanted her to take the day off, really, but Carol said she had meetings all day. 

“What time does the last one end?”

Carol sighed. “Probably around three.” 

“Can you leave after and work from home?”

Another sigh. “I guess I could. Do you want me to meet you at work and we’ll come back here?”

That was exactly what Therese didn’t want. “No. I’ll meet you at your office and we can go back to your apartment. I’m going to get started unpacking your stuff while you work.” 

Therese thought about adding a “sound good?” or an “okay?” to let Carol confirm, but this wasn’t up for debate.

The smile she gave Carol was met with confusion. “Why are you doing all of this?”

Therese regretted that Carol had to ask that. She made a mental note to never let Carol utter that question again. 

“Because you do so much for me. And for everyone. And because I love you. And because I’m your girlfriend and it’s my job.” 

Everything but the last part was ignored by Carol and her eyes smiled with her mouth. “You are?” _My girlfriend,_ she meant, and Therese knew that without asking. She had a feeling it was something Carol longed to hear - and to have - for a while.

Therese wanted to sound like it was obvious, though. To make Carol doubt less in the future, and to just trust. “ _Yeah._ Of course.” She threw in a playful scoff as she got up to pour both of them coffee. “Where have _you_ been?”

She didn’t have to turn around to know the way Carol was looking at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all on board?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this chapter almost didn’t exist. Because I was going to jump right into the one that’s going to be the next chapter, but I didn’t want to leave the last part without truly wrapping things up. 
> 
> It’s not a long one, or very action packed, so sorry, but here it is!

Somehow Carol had managed to reduce the contents of her four-bedroom apartment on the Upper East Side down to just enough to fill her new, much smaller two-bedroom place in the East Village. Smaller was a relative term, of course. It was still far more spacious than Therese’s apartment that she shared with Phil. Carol’s had an extra half bathroom and was simply bigger in square footage, but then again, she paid double the rent. Therese listened as Carol pointed out, almost whining, that her California king bed had to be traded for a queen. _Oh, the humanity._

Now that they were here, Therese ready to fulfill her promise to get started on Carol’s unpacking, it occurred to Therese that Carol might have _too many_ books. She knew if she said it to Carol in that way, though, she’d hear a response akin to, “yes maybe, but can one possibly have too many books?” 

Earlier in the afternoon, Therese had used her lunch break to get paint samples of the colors Carol had liked from the swatches she’d picked out. Therese was rather jealous, honestly. Her apartment was too tight to paint the dark shades that Carol’s apartment would soon adorn - jewel toned blues and greens and reds. There was one exception: the dusty blue-greens for Rindy’s room. Carol said that Rindy, like most three-year-olds, had taste that changed with the blow of the wind, but one constant had been this color, for whatever reason. It was the safest bet. 

With a cardboard file box she’d borrowed (okay, taken) from her office, she trekked down Brooke and waited for Carol to leave her meeting. Carol had given her a heads up that it would _definitely_ be running late - instead of meeting at three, they met at quarter to four. When Carol emerged she looked exhausted. Still. Even after the extra sleep and the shortened work day. Therese put the box down when she saw her and Carol just buried her head in Therese’s shoulder. 

“I’m so tired. But I’m so happy to see you.”

They stood for a minute, Therese stroking Carol’s hair, until Therese decided she should grab them a cab before Carol fell asleep standing up. 

After throwing bags from work and jackets on the kitchen counter, Carol finally noticed the contents of the cardboard box. 

“Therese, did you get paint?”

Her tone didn’t give any indication to whether it was okay Therese had done so. “Just the sample sizes. To make sure. I saw the colors you chose from the swatches,” while she explained, Carol’s smile grew wide, “and just went from there…”

Carol just blinked and smiled and then shook her head a little and looked to the floor. She walked to Therese and wrapped her arms around her neck. Her words were a whisper. “Thank you so much, baby.”

It was just paint, but Therese was never one to reject affection from Carol. Soon enough, Carol set up her laptop and settled cross legged on the couch - stationed in the center of the living room because, well, there were walls to paint - and Therese found herself in Carol’s bedroom. Deciding that her goal would be to unpack enough to at least have one room free of boxes, she began unloading books. And more books. _And why did Carol keep all of these?_

The most beautiful Danish modern oak bookshelf sat against the brick wall of Carol’s room. It was large, but there was no way just this would fit everything. But Therese would try. Not wanting to bother Carol while she worked, Therese had to decide how Carol would like her books arranged. She couldn’t recall from her visits to Carol’s old place. Definitely not color coated. That wasn’t Carol, Therese knew, but maybe alphabetical by author’s last name. 

Abbott, Adams, Adams again, Aesop ( _really?_ ), Angelou, Austen…

The distant ring of Carol’s phone in the other room startled her. At first Therese assumed it was a work call, but the greeting told her otherwise. From behind the wall she heard Carol say, “hello my little peanut.”

Even without seeing her, Therese could hear Carol smiling. Rindy called Carol nearly every day, but Carol could only pick up some of the time. Other times she would miss the call because of meetings or conferences. Often Carol left work too late to call Rindy back, whether it be because of her bedtime or because she didn’t have the energy to talk to Harge. Therese gave herself another pat on the back for convincing Carol to leave work early. She might have missed this call otherwise.

Though she had no business feeling it, pride swept over Therese when she heard Carol talking to Rindy. It amazed her when she remembered that Carol was _somebody’s mother_. She gave birth to a person. Therese thought it was remarkable, but Carol never liked getting overly sentimental with that sort of thing. 

Right now wasn’t the time for it - they needed a few more weeks - but Therese wanted to ask Carol if she would ever get to spend time with Rindy. Not now, but down the line. She was getting totally and completely ahead of herself, but knowing that Carol was vehement about not wanting more children, Therese didn’t think it was unreasonable to want some sort of relationship with Carol’s daughter. Even just connecting the dots between those two thoughts made Therese internally mortified for how insane she was being. How much she was rushing things. 

She eavesdropped from her place on the floor of Carol’s bedroom: _“...what was your favorite part? ...will you read it to me? …bring it with you next week and you can show me… are you excited to see your room? …Rindy, don’t say ‘hate,’ you don’t ‘hate’ anybody…”_

Listening to Carol’s voice was like a dream when it carried the gentleness that Carol treated everyone with but herself. She needed to be cared for like that. It was Therese’s job now and she planned to succeed. First starting with these boxes that sent Carol into spirals of stress. 

Thirty or forty minutes must have gone by because Therese was about to go through the boxes to look for ‘E’ authors when she heard a, “what are you doing?”

Carol leaned against the frame of the door with her arms crossed, eyes following Therese. 

——

Conversations with Rindy in January and February had felt different, even if the content was more or less the same (there wasn’t much variety in the lives of three-year-olds). When January or February Carol had hung up the phone, it was like her last lifeline cutting itself off and leaving her with no one. But ending a call with Rindy these past couple weeks left her feeling invigorated. Rindy was going to her friend’s house, learning the Spanish words for furniture, and up a reading group - meaning her reading level was that of a kindergartener. 

Carol would’ve loved to thank herself and herself alone for that, but Harge did deserve a little credit. They’d been very much in agreement regarding how Rindy would be raised. At least in terms of technology and toys and all of that. Having only one child was a blessing for micromanagement. But the idea of being _those types_ of Gen-X parents disgusted her, so she resigned to the title of millennial in revolt. 

Rindy had further solidified her good mood. Even with today dragging on, and last night exhausting her entirely, Carol’s day had been quite great. It started with Therese calling herself her girlfriend, and Carol had it stuck in her head the rest of the morning, playing on repeat. One of her coworkers had to ask what she was smiling about when they caught her grinning like a nut job at a spreadsheet. Therese texted her around noon, just to tell her she loved her and Carol had to bite the inside of her cheek because she was in the middle of a meeting. Then Therese and the paints and just now Rindy. Too distracted by her own giddiness, Carol called it quits with her work for the day. It was 6pm, anyway. She wanted to spend time with Therese.

And so she stood in the doorframe and leaned on it for a minute, watching Therese organize books. Obviously she was doing more than necessary. 

“What are you doing?”

Therese stopped, knelt on the ground beside a box. “Unpacking your books. Alphabetically by author’s last name.”

Yes, she had Therese. And she was the most perfect. And beautiful. And wonderful. And Carol’s books were never organized by anything beyond being of similar height and therefore attractive to display next to one another on a shelf. She had to tell Therese before she wasted too much time, but she liked watching her a bit too much.

Months ago Carol had scoffed at and disregarded the _ridiculous_ idea Abby had spewed about Therese. _“Maybe this is the love of your life.”_ Abby hadn’t been speaking literally, she was simply giving showing Carol the best and worst case scenarios when she’d panicked the morning after they’d first slept together. At the time it had been nonsense. Or maybe Carol had wanted it to be nonsense. But now she had Therese here, in her new apartment that was completely separate from her old life with Harge and it the statement didn’t feel as crazy as it had before. 

It was premature, she knew, but Carol longed for Therese to want to move in sometime in the future. Of course that was well down the line, but she never stopped thinking about it. She thought about this place in terms of Therese so often that if Therese decided she didn’t ever want to live with her ( _god forbid_ ), Carol would absolutely have to move again. Sometimes she was afraid of being too obvious. She had already made her intentions clear when they met up two weeks ago, telling Therese that she had her in mind when she’d picked this apartment. Now that things were real - with her new home and with Therese - Carol tried to be more careful. Fear of pressuring Therese, of being _too much,_ loomed low inside her. It bubbled up and fought with her desire to include Therese in all of her decision making - paint colors, her new bed, new mattress, where to put the credenza. Carol’s desire always won out, as was usually the case when it came to matters of Therese. And Therese’s opinions and considerations and tastes would be on every inch of the space once all was said and done. 

Carol shuffled over to where Therese sat on the floor and joined her. The weight of the week evaporated when she rested her head in Therese’s shoulder. 

There was nothing quite like having Therese reach over to her cheek and brush her fingers back through her hair. “Hey, you. What’s up?” 

“You can just throw them on the shelves.”

“Oh.” Therese blushed and Carol laughed.

“Thank you for doing this.” 

Sometimes Carol’s feelings scared her. But not like before. Her fears before were based in feeling things that she shouldn’t, for people she shouldn’t, or not feeling much of anything. But now she sometimes was afraid that she felt too much. It overwhelmed her but she didn’t want it to go away. She’d told Abby about it and her explanation was that Carol hadn’t allowed herself to feel this way before, and now that she was it was completely new to her, and it felt extreme. “But sometimes that’s just what being in love feels like,” Abby had said, and at first Carol had been offended. She thought Abby was treating her like a child. But when things sunk in, it occurred to Carol that until Therese she hadn’t really, _truly_ been in love. Not like this. Not even close. 

It was why she wanted to do anything and everything for Therese. The things like making coffee in the morning and meeting Therese at her work so she wouldn’t be inconvenienced and arranging her schedule in the morning so Therese could relax - even if doing so was tiring sometimes, she just wanted Therese to be happy with her. Because Carol had shown before - and no doubt would in smaller doses in the future - that she wasn’t always the easiest person to have around. 

But when Carol woke up this morning, Therese had flipped things around on her. And now, in her bare boned bedroom, in the bed Therese had helped pick out, surrounded by half empty boxes (only half empty and not full thanks to Therese), Carol looked up at Therese as her face pulled back from hers - leaving her lips pouting and lonely - and Therese said, “let me take care of you.” Sex with Therese wasn’t always this emotional. More often than not it was quick and hot and happened over and over again, or it was loud and fucking each other against the wall (and there might be a bruise or two). 

But right now Therese was gentle and patient and understanding. 

Falling in love really had felt like falling and sure, free falling was exhilarating but she’d been doing it for weeks (well, months) and Carol needed to be sure that Therese was there to catch her. Or at least pull the cord of a parachute. 

She had Therese next to her, trying just as hard to catch her breath too, but all the while telling Carol they should get ready soon, because she’d made dinner reservations at Carol’s new favorite Korean restaurant that was only a few blocks away. If Carol was up for it, too, Therese bought tickets to the movie they’d been talking about for later tonight. Plan B was for Therese to set up Carol’s Apple TV - obviously, it would take her minutes - and they’d rent something. Apparently there was more because Therese started saying, “ _or…_ ” but Carol cut her off. 

“Or, what if…” she paused for effect and watched Therese’s eyes sparkle and she started to giggle. Anytime this happened Carol became slightly less of an atheist. “What if we get dinner and then get drinks? Like, go _out_ out?”

Therese smiled wide. “That was Plan C.”

Of course it was because Therese just knew. They hadn’t gone out for drinks beyond dinner since, well, they were in Madison, probably. But now that Therese was Carol’s _girlfriend_ , she wanted to go out and - as Abby would put it - show her off. In the least possessive way possible. 

“When are our reservations.” Carol was still lying on her back with Therese propped up above her. 

“In 45 minutes. But I can call and try to push them back.” Therese was an angel. 

“No, I’m just not going to shower. Is that gross? Do I smell like sex?”

Therese leaned down to smell her and Carol laughed. “Yes, you do. But it’s not gross.” She popped up and stepped out of bed, patting Carol’s hip in the process. “C’mon, babe. Let’s get ready.”

It was a new one, but Carol liked the sound of it, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway, next time Carol’s sister will show up.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made it happen because I love you all so much. Now love me back.

It was an unusual start to Therese’s Saturday morning. She woke up without Carol - it wasn’t as though they slept with each other _every_ night, especially since Carol’s apartment was now nearly finished - but it certainly had been an every weekend thing for the past month. But Carol had a dinner to go to last night - her company and their agency were being wined and dined by one of their vendors. Therese had checked out with the details of it all, and Carol waved her hand, not caring. “Point is, I’m going to be really late, so I’ll just head back to my place. But I’ll see you in the morning, right?”

A quick kiss wiped the pout away from Carol’s lips and Therese said, “no question. I’ll be there around ten?” Carol hesitated. Okay, eleven. That was better. Therese wasn’t sure who she was fooling with the ambition of being somewhere at ten on a Saturday morning, anyway. 

Now, at just before eleven, Therese pressed Carol’s buzzer and heard the sound of the door unlocking for her to come inside. Carol’s apartment was wonderful because it was on the fourth and final floor, giving her a lovely view from her fire escape and easy roof access. The terrible trade-off was that the building was a walk-up, but at least Therese knew it would eventually do wonders for her ass. 

She reached the top stair and walked through the slightly ajar door. Usually Carol was standing there, trying and failing to hide her eagerness to see Therese. Today, however, Therese let herself in and Carol passed her, carrying an armful of laundry. She just glanced as she walked by. 

“Hi.” It was quick and clipped and had Therese done something wrong? Before she could ask, Abby appeared from the kitchen. 

“Hi doll, how are you?” She greeted Therese with her air kiss to the cheek. Her arms folded as she turned to stand next to Therese as they both watched Carol charge quickly through her home, moving things from various rooms, creating random organization. 

Abby shouted, “Carol, calm down! Did you even say hi to Therese?” 

From the other room came a displeased response, “yes, I did! Therese, hi! There, now I’ve said it twice!”

Therese looked to Abby, “what…exactly is happening?”

A deep sigh of annoyance, at either Carol or whatever was bothering Carol came before she added, “ _Rebecca_ is coming into town.”

Oh.

Rebecca was Carol’s older sister. Her only sister. Carol mentioned her quite a bit, actually. But mostly in passing. She’d say things like, “Rebecca would love this movie,” or, “I have to send this to Rebecca.” Things like that. Not too many long stories about her, just a few here and there. Which left Therese not knowing what to expect. If she should stay or leave, or if Carol was happy or mad. She didn’t seem either, she just seemed stressed. Luckily, Abby was here. 

“So, what’s the issue? I’m lost.”

“Well…” Abby’s _wells_ were always an indication for Therese to buckle up, because information would be dealt swiftly and heavily. “Carol has herself in the lovely predicament of keeping her family in the dark about things. Namely, you, my dear.” 

That much Therese knew. In a way, she had an unusual freedom in not having familial expectations to see to. She didn’t have to worry about telling anyone about Carol. The people Therese surrounded herself with over the years, her closest friends - Dannie and Phil and their family - she’d chosen in part due to, among other things, their similar values. They wouldn’t be friends otherwise. She didn’t have to worry about being open with them. Carol didn’t choose her family. 

Abby continued, “Rebecca is _not_ going to be upset in the slightest - ”

There was a “you don’t know that!” that came from down the hall. Abby ignored it. “She’s great, really. But just really hard on people. If I were Carol I’d be most worried about Rebecca coming over and telling me my rug looked dirty. She adores Carol, though.” 

Finally Carol came in and addressed Therese. Her steps weren’t the graceful ones Therese was so used to. They were heavy, more like stomps. She still wore the clothes she’d put on to go to yoga with Abby and hadn’t showered, probably because of this new development in her day. 

“Hi darling, I’m sorry.” She kissed Therese quickly, “look, I have to shower and finish this laundry and then clean more…Rebecca is only here for the night. I guess she’s coming for her friend’s baby shower tomorrow, or something. So she’s staying in a hotel tomorrow. But she wanted to _surprise_ me and come see my new place today.”

Therese thought she understood where this was going. “Do you want me to leave?” 

She wasn’t mad. It would be a bit much for anyone to introduce their sister to their decade-younger girlfriend - because, by-the-way-I’m-a-lesbian - before the finalization of their divorce. But Carol paused. She looked to Abby and Abby tilted her head. Some sort of mild telepathy happening between the them. 

A hesitated, drawn out, “no…” eventually came from Carol. 

Now _that_ surprised Therese. Happily, at least she thought. Hopefully it was happy. 

Then Carol added, “but can you kill some time? Possibly several hours? I want to talk to my sister first.”

She meant talk like _talk_. Definitely for the best. Therese had plenty she could fill her afternoon with, she had some errands to run. She figured she would be doing those with Carol today, as it was, so her plans weren’t really all that different. 

So that was that. Abby hugged Carol for a long time and whispered something to her before she left with Therese. 

They stepped onto Seventh Street and Abby pushed sunglasses over her nose. “Which way are you headed?”

West, same as Abby. Therese was going to a camera store nearby NYU and Abby was going to walk home and get ready for work. Abby was was very hands-on with her restaurants, and Therese thought she worked a lot, but clearly enjoyed her job. They walked together down St. Marks and Abby joked (maybe) about buying Carol a bong so she would, “calm the fuck down.”

Therese asked Abby about Rebecca. 

“Carol just has a complex about her. She’s always thought Rebecca was prettier and had the a great family and a job she loved. Mind you, Rebecca isn’t an easy nut to crack, but she thinks Carol is the best. She’s going to be happy when she sees Carol so happy. Shocked at first, but still, happy.”

“I’m nervous.” 

A ‘don’t be’ was what Therese was expecting, but she instead was met with, “I would be too.” Abby reconsidered her words, and changed directions a bit, “just because it’s always nerve wracking, meeting family. Not that you specifically should be.”

The Abby from three or four months ago wouldn’t have edited herself like that, not with Therese. But now Abby had softened to Therese, and Therese thought maybe she had to the rest of the world, too. Katie did wonders for her. 

They passed a flower shop and Therese said, “I should bring something. For them, when I come back.” Maybe it was a stupid idea. “Right?”

“Yes, but not flowers. Becca doesn’t care about flowers and besides, she’s traveling.” Oh, so she was _Becca_ now. She shouldn’t be anymore, but Therese was still surprised when she remembered the extent to which Abby knew Carol’s family. Jealousy and gratefulness were an interesting mix. “Come come.”

A hand beckoned her on a detour up Astor Place before pulling her into a liquor store. 

Therese followed Abby as she scoured the aisles, knowing what she was looking for. “Becca likes scotch, which makes for a good gift just for her because Carol does _not_.” 

She wasn’t saying the bit about Carol to tell Therese as if it was new information, but she still had to bite her tongue to keep herself from saying ‘I know.’ The look in her face must’ve given her away because Abby’s eyes rolled and she said, “I know you know Therese. Anyway, we’ll get her this…” A bottle was pushed into Therese’s hands. Spending over a hundred dollars on scotch wasn’t exactly part of Therese’s plan for today, but she supposed none of this had been. “Get them drunk or something. They’re fun together. At least they used to be.”

As they walked toward the register, Therese asked, “do you think they’ll want to go out though? Won’t Rebecca be tired from the drive?”

Abby cackled straight into Therese’s face, as if Therese had been intentionally facetious. “Becca has three children under ten and left a day early to ‘visit Carol.’ She wants to use her time wisely.” Before Therese could get her wallet out, Abby’s thick black Amex slid across the counter. “I never properly thanked you for coming back and keeping Carol from dying on my sofa.”

She had though. The first time Therese saw Abby after that first night with Carol - about a week later - Abby wrapped her arms around Therese’s waist and _picked her up_ and spun around. She’d have been embarrassed had Abby not been so genuine. 

When they parted ways, Abby left her with a “good luck, kiddo,” and Therese went on to kill her time. The camera store first, and then Whole Foods. Carol and her planned to run a few errands - Carol had run low on some of her vitamins - so Therese decided to go about the day as normal. Unsure of exactly which vitamins Carol needed, but knowing all of the ones she took, Therese just bought them all. They certainly wouldn’t go to waste. _Calcium-magnesium-zinc, fish oil, glucosamine HCL, vitamin D, B-complex_ …Therese could hardly be bothered to take a multivitamin herself. But watching Carol ritualistically extract each capsule one by one and swallow each _individually_ , like a masochist, was fascinating. And the faces she made when she could taste the residue on her tongue were adorable. 

There was a prescription waiting for Carol at Duane Reade, she remembered, and Therese needed toothpaste. She swung by the bank, sat on a bench in Union Square and made a few calls, left, browsed Sephora - and spent fifty bucks, because could Sephora ever just be browsed? Soon it was 3:52. She hadn’t heard from Carol. She didn’t think there would be a chance Carol wouldn’t tell her sister. She’d gotten her hopes up. 

But at exactly 4pm, her phone vibrated in her hand. 

_You can come over now_. 

Therese flew.

——

Carol stood in her living room. She fanned herself with both hands and Becca screwed up her face. “What is the matter with you?”

She’d stretched out her pleasantries and the tour long enough. Distant and fidgety since Becca had arrived, it was time. If she waited longer she would ruin the giddy mood Becca had brought with her from Virginia. She was excited to see Carol, and Carol looked anything but. 

The fanning stopped and Carol sighed, almost groaned. “Becca, I need to tell you something and I just don’t know how you’ll react.” 

Now Carol was _really_ ruining the mood. Becca’s face whitened. “Is something wrong? Are you sick? What’s happening?”

“No. No! It’s nothing bad. It’s good. Great. I’m just scared.” Carol knew she wasn’t making sense.

Becca was confused. And annoyed. She was easily annoyed. “Okay. Do you want to sit down?”

Sitting wouldn’t help. It wouldn’t make her suddenly comfortable. It might make it worse. Standing gave her agency. “No. I’m just…” She would just say it. Sort of. “Someone is coming over later. Soon. And want you to meet them.” _Them_. Could Becca just fill in the blanks? Connect the dots so Carol could stop talking?

But no, she looked too excited. “You’re seeing someone? What’s his name? Since when?”

Carol put her hand up, begging Becca to _shut up,_ and closed her eyes, quickly shaking her head. “Mm-mm, mm-mm. That’s the thing. Becca, the person I’m seeing is a woman.”

She couldn’t hear the words as they left her mouth. They spilled out like similar ones had with Harge. A revelation that hung like fog, and Carol waited for Becca to clear it. 

Her face was inscrutable, but she said, “oh. _Oh._ Okay.” She paused, seemingly taking her time with Carol’s news. Her eyes were narrow, sizing Carol up. “Are you a lesbian?” 

And like that, Carol remembered Becca was blunt. Like Abby, but not as tactless. However, she could be with Carol. At least Carol didn’t have to say it. She wouldn’t admit it, but she still struggled with saying it out loud sometimes. 

She just nodded slowly in response. 

“I can imagine that being a large reason for your divorce.” It was grumbled under her breath but then Becca smiled. And Carol promptly burst into tears, a balloon that popped with the prick of a needle. Arms wrapped around Carol. They were so foreign to her. Hugging was unusual for her and Becca. “Carol, you need to get it together.”

She knew as much. “I know, I’m sorry.” The crying stopped almost as quickly as it started. “I was just nervous.”

Now they sat. Comfortable finally, Becca began. “Can I ask you about her?” And about you, Carol thought Becca meant. 

She had and she did. Starting with Therese - that was first: her name is Therese. How they met was…strange, to put it mildly. How long they’d been together was another tough one to tackle, and up for debate. Therese was younger than Carol by, well, “a decade?” “Someone’s a cougar.” Harge knew. He knew everything, now. It had been horrible, totally dreadful, but things were getting better, but very slowly. Carol had known forever. Her entire life. Maybe she held it in because of mom, but it was mostly her own doing. 

“When is she coming over?”

Carol had forgotten there was no set time. She still had to text Therese. She scrambled for her phone and told Becca about the morning, her surprise visit landing Therese the task of killing time for too many hours. 

“You’re a horrible girlfriend, Carol. I’d dump you.”

Becca didn’t know the half of it. 

——

She stood in front of Carol’s door. This time, she’d knock. Her errands had left her with quite the collection, and she wound up buying a canvas tote to carry it all in one bag. Thinking about how big of a mess Carol had been oddly made Therese more calm. It was out of protectiveness. They couldn’t both be terrified. 

She could hear Carol on the other side of the wall. “ _Since when does she knock_?” And a laugh nearly identical to Carol’s followed. The door swung open and Carol’s face was radiant. It had gone well, obviously. Therese grinned when Carol greeted her. “Hey you. Come on.” Even when Carol kissed her briefly, it was electrifying.

The nerves came during the short walk through the hall that led to the living room. On the sofa was Rebecca. She looked less like Carol in person than in the few pictures she’d seen of them. In fact, the only real similarity was their hair color. But right away the mannerisms, the expressions, the voices - those were all the same. 

“Well, well, well. Just the person we’ve been talking about. Hi, Therese.” She winked. Yes, this was Carol’s sister. 

Her hand stuck out to shake Therese’s and Therese had never shaken Carol’s hand, but this was probably what it felt like. “I’m Becca.” 

_Becca not Rebecca_. Therese didn’t want to slip. Carol noticed the weight of Therese’s bag and took it from her shoulder. “Darling, what on earth?” Therese watched Becca’s eyes slide over to eye Carol at the mention of ‘darling.’

“Just all of your stuff.” Therese responded as Carol pulled out the vitamins and her prescription. But the scotch. “Oh! I brought you something.”

Becca furrowed her brows. “Me? Ugh, this isn’t fair. Had I known _you existed_ ,” she seethed toward Carol, then turned back to Therese. “I would’ve been more prepared.”

She handed over the scotch and Becca’s eyes widened. “Oh, shit. Thank you.” 

Abby was a goddess. And Carol looked at Therese like she was going to pounce. Becca opened it and Carol taunted her. “What? Going to rip a shot straight from the bottle?”

Becca deflected with ease. “No, I just want to smell it, you bitch. _God_.” She did and smiled slyly, locked her eyes on Carol, and tilted the bottle back into her mouth. Carol howled with laughter and called her disgusting. 

Dinner was putting their name on the waitlist at Via Carota - because Becca didn’t mind the wait, unlike Carol - and then getting cocktails nearby to kill the hour. There was something delightful about watching Carol and Becca argue, which they did often over the course of the evening - going from zero to ten and then back to zero in a matter of minutes. Becca was funny, like Carol, and had both Therese and Carol nearly in tears with her stories. 

During dinner, Carol excused herself to the restroom and left Becca alone with Therese. A new wave of nerves swept over her when Carol was out of sight. But Becca didn’t grill her. Somehow that wasn’t her role in Carol’s life, that was Abby. Instead Becca asked Therese about herself. Her job and her photography, somehow convincing Therese to pull up her website on her phone for a moment of show and tell before Carol came back.

Out of laziness, they Ubered back to Carol’s. When they stepped out of the car, Therese looked at them, they were laughing about nothing in particular, and said, “well, I think this is where I leave you.”

Carol was stricken, and whined for her to stay, but Therese stayed firm. Rebecca had come into town to see her sister, and she deserved alone time with her. It pained Therese to leave, to not fall asleep with Carol’s arm stroking her waist, for another night in a row, but she had to. Carol let Becca head upstairs without her, waiting for another Uber with Therese. 

As soon as the door to the building shut, Therese’s lips were assaulted by Carol’s. She kissed her aggressively, maybe to show Therese exactly what she would be missing out on tonight. As if Therese didn’t know already. 

“I hate waking up without you.” Carol said it and Therese’s heart pounded, still, every time. Therese’s head spun from Carol’s lips and hands and words and seeing double or triple of Carol might have been even better than just the one. 

“I know. Me too. But I’ll be over first thing in the morning. I’ll stay the night, too.” And when Therese told her that, Carol looked at her with an intensity that scared her a bit. But she shook it off and smiled. 

“I love you more than anything.” It came with a hand tucking a strand of Therese’s hair behind her ear. And another kiss, this one light and airy though it took her breath away. “Please let me know when you’ve made it home.”

On the way home, Therese felt like she died of love a thousand times thinking of the gravity of all Carol had done today.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must say, writing something that is in-canon but post-canon is fucking hard. Because making up what you _think, maybe_ would happen to these characters after-the-fact is not the easiest. Hopefully there's some justice done here!

Dealing with Harge over the past two months had been rough. And Therese wasn’t even really dealing with Harge, just dealing with Carol who was dealing with Harge. And for Therese it had only been two months - she could hardly understand how Carol did it for even longer. 

The first few weeks, Therese hadn’t heard a thing about him beyond Carol mentioning that, yes, he had been there when she was doing the final walk through of their condo the night before they were officially no longer the residents. But beyond notifying Therese of his presence, Carol didn’t go into further detail. She shrugged her shoulders and said it was fine.

It had been Abby who accidentally told her that Carol had left out a few major details when it came to meeting Harge at their condo. It hadn’t been “fine,” as Carol claimed. 

Therese had been offered the rare, but welcome, invitation to have lunch with Abby during work one afternoon. Abby had no qualms admitting she’d first asked Carol, but Carol was “too busy.” Therese wasn’t offended.

Over lunch Abby slipped and said that Carol had been so high-strung this week, adding, “I guess I’d be too if I had to go into that custody hearing next week after what happened with Harge the last time they saw each other.”

It bothered Therese that she hadn’t even been aware Carol’s custody hearing was next week, but she played it off as though she had been. The Harge information, though, she couldn’t pretend to know. Because if she claimed to be privy then she had no reason to force Abby to elaborate. 

As expected, Abby was reluctant. “You see, I’m not sure what’s worse: me telling you or you telling Carol that I said something and forcing her to tell you.” She thought, and decided. “For your sake, I’ll just tell you.”

The real story - or the one as told by Abby, anyway - was that the last day at their condo had started off okay, consisting largely of closing or transferring accounts and utilities associated with the address, and walking through the make sure nothing had been forgotten. But Harge shifted gears and brought up Carol’s new apartment, one that he vowed Rindy would “never set foot in,” and Carol fought back, called him a "fucking elitist" for the way he said “ _East Village_ ” when talking about Carol’s apartment - he was far from the person she once knew - and told him he was “out of his goddamn mind,” if he thought Rindy wouldn’t be visiting.

Once he’d gotten bored of that fight, the conversation changed focus to, “well, you,” Abby winced.

Therese sat somewhere between anger with Carol for not telling her all of this and confusion, because, why hadn’t Carol told her all of this?

Abby sighed and rolled her eyes, “and, of course, Harge told Carol that Rindy was also not allowed to be around you - he still calls you ‘that girl’ by the way, your name is that powerful, I guess. Anyway, he said something or other about her not needing ‘random people’ floating in-and-out of her life.”

Therese swallowed, not wanting to hear what came next, but she knew she had to. “So that explains me not seeing Rindy ever…” It was accompanied by a noise that she had tried to turn into a laugh, but it came out a weak hiccup. She couldn’t meet Abby’s eyes just yet. 

Now it was Abby’s turn to be confused. “What? No, of course not. Carol told Harge that she’d let Rindy see you whenever and that you weren’t going anywhere anytime soon.”

Her anger disappeared quickly and altogether, replaced by pride for Carol, for standing up for herself - and for standing up for Therese - and a feeling of guilt set in that she’d doubted Carol, even if silently, even if just for a second. Carol was more than earning her trust, and Therese needed to give her that.

Abby’s eyes searched the space around them, squinting. “That’s weird. I hadn’t realized you hadn’t seen Rindy. She’s been at Carol’s though, right?”

That part _was_ strange. But maybe Carol wanted Rindy to herself for the minimal time they had together. Or maybe Carol wasn’t ready for Therese to spend time with Rindy yet, despite having told Harge otherwise. The couple of times Rindy came to visit for the afternoon, Carol would tell Therese things like, “ _I’m_ taking Rindy to the museum,” or “Rindy and _I_ are going to a movie,” so Therese busied herself accordingly. 

But the first issue Therese needed to address was Carol’s hearing that she knew nothing about. So that night, when she walked into Carol’s apartment - finding Carol making dinner and all smiles, countering Abby’s earlier review of Carol’s attitude as of late - she forced her to come sit on the sofa with her, “just for a minute,” and put it out there.

“Why didn’t you tell me your custody hearing was Tuesday.”

Anticipating regret or guilt or possibly shame, Therese was surprised when Carol’s expression remained unwavering.

“I just…didn’t think you’d want to know.”

The answer was almost too simple, too innocent, to be believed, but Therese could tell that Carol meant it: she didn’t share it with Therese because she didn’t think Therese wanted to hear about it. Because it had been a sore subject. The sorest of subjects, in the past. But that was for Carol, not for Therese.

“Carol, that’s insane.” As Therese looked at her in disbelief, Carol began to shrink into herself. Nearly indetectable, but Therese knew when she wore the beginnings of thinking she’d maybe done something wrong. Therese didn’t like that. She didn’t want Carol to feel bad about this, but just wanted clarification. “Why would you think I didn’t want to hear about it?”

As reassuring as Therese tried to sound, Carol’s voice still came out sounding small. “I don’t know. I just assumed that you wouldn’t love hearing about Harge and about me talking with him. I suppose that’s why.”

Though Therese could see the reasoning behind the idea, it was wholly incorrect. “Well, I do want to know about these things. They occupy your mind and I want you to be able to talk to me.”

Carol just nodded, finally looking back at Therese. “I love you so much,” she said, and kissed Therese so lightly it made her lips tickle long after Carol's left hers. 

They wouldn’t talk right then and there, but Therese knew Carol would open up to her. But sometimes Carol required explicit permission from Therese, she was finding out. 

Lucky for Abby, Carol didn’t ask how Therese had found out about the hearing to begin with. 

——

The night before the hearing, Carol was understandably a total mess. She wouldn’t eat because she said she felt nauseous, there was no hope for her to distract herself with work - she couldn’t focus - and Therese knew she probably wouldn’t be sleeping. 

At first Therese left Carol by herself, as requested. Carol said she would probably be an absolute nightmare to deal with and just wanted to be alone. First Therese pushed back, just a little, and then obliged. 

But at 10:12, while she sat in her living room with Phil, watching nothing remarkable on TV, her phone buzzed with a text on the coffee table.

_I’m scared._

Her heart broke into a million little pieces. Carol had said things similar, but of a lesser degree in the past: she was _nervous_ , she was _anxious_ , she was _concerned_. But Therese couldn’t recall if Carol had ever admitted to being _scared_. Not to her, at least. 

She called her right away.

Carol answered and right away it was clear she’d been crying. “Hi, sorry, I just…” She cut herself off and her breathing came in tremors through the phone. 

“Carol, can I please come over?” 

“You don’t have to come all the way here when I already sent you home.”

The hoarseness in her voice was too familiar. And too painful to do nothing about. Therese was already packing up her bag when she said, “I know I don’t have to, but I want to.”

She hoped teasing Carol with her own words wouldn’t make things worse.

And they didn’t, because her tone changed ever-so-slightly. “Hey now, that’s my line.”

\-----

The entire day of Carol’s hearing, Therese couldn’t stop checking her phone. Nothing would happen until after 2pm, at the very earliest, but she couldn’t help flipping over her phone on her desk, pressing the home button (like there was a way she had somehow missed a call) and turning it over again nearly every 15 minutes. 

The only text she received was one from Abby, expressing a similar state. 

Carol wasn’t asking for much. She’d long backed off the equal joint agreement for something much more palatable for Harge and his lawyers. Something like one weekend every three weeks, plus some school breaks and holidays. Therese had asked Carol why she didn’t want more, and her sad explanation was that, now that Rindy was getting old enough to have friends, she didn’t want to disturb the schedule that Rindy wanted for herself. It made sense - Rindy would be moving to a preschool by Harge in Scarsdale after this school year - but Therese knew it was crushing for Carol. But, one weekend every three weeks was still far more than Carol saw Rindy now. And far more than Harge wanted for Carol. 

Harge wanted full legal custody and nearly full physical custody. It had been a huge change from what he had asked for before, even as early back as December, and when Carol heard about this from her lawyers - only about three weeks before the hearing - she sobbed so loudly and for so long that Therese was concerned she’d dehydrate herself. 

Abby didn’t think it seemed likely Harge would get far by seeking sole legal custody. She told Carol that maybe this was good - maybe it would become clear that Harge was using Rindy’s custody vindictively, and not out of genuine concern. It was a fair point, one that Therese parroted to Carol when she worked herself into a frenzy leading up to the date of the hearing. 

Therese’s phone buzzed again. Abby…again.

_This is ridiculous. They should be done by now._

She was right. It was almost 3pm. But Therese knew better than to call Carol. 

Before she could respond to Abby, a hand came from behind her and placed itself on her desk. If she hadn’t memorized each and every crease and freckle on her hands already, Carol’s gold painted nails and four distinctive rings would give her away. Therese spun slowly, looking up to meet Carol’s eyes. Just her existence alone made Therese want to smile, but right now she stifled it, unsure of what to expect. Carol’s expression was neutral, until a small smirk spread on her lips. 

“Carol…” Therese couldn’t stand yet. “What happened?”

The smirk grew into a smile - one with teeth that reached her eyes - and Carol shook her head incredulously. She laughed, “I hardly even know what happened. It was so quick.”

“But you got it?”

Working to contain herself, Carol gave a decisive nod. “Yes.”

Therese didn’t care about containing herself. She sprung from her chair and wrapped her arms around Carol, almost shouting in relief.

When Carol pulled back, she asked, “do you have a few minutes?”

It didn’t even matter. Therese was sure it wasn’t a problem, anyway. She grabbed her jacket and pulled Carol into the elevator. 

They got lunch, because Therese finally noticed that she, too, hadn’t eaten a thing that day. She leaned as close across the small table they sat at to make herself as close to Carol as possible. Just short of forgoing the table and climbing into her lap. She listened as Carol explained every detail. And it was no wonder that Carol was in such disbelief. After his lawyers spoke, Carol’s went on with their proposal of one weekend every three weeks. And Harge - not his lawyers, not a judge, not her lawyers - just said, “fine.” 

Obviously, it was disruptive. His lawyers protested - he’d spoke out of turn, he didn’t mean it - but he just said he wanted to be done, and that once every three weeks - but no more - seemed reasonable. And he got up and left. Carol said she had half a mind to thank him until she remembered how wretched the past months - “well, nearly a year, now” - had been, thanks to him. Mostly.

Too overjoyed to let the tinge of jealousy that _Harge_ , of all people, had done something “nice” (in the most relative of terms) for Carol, Therese asked, “so when will the first weekend be?”

Carol hadn’t stopped smiling yet. “Not this weekend but the next weekend. So, I guess the 27th and…” Now her face fell as she trailed off, and Therese knew why. “Well, it doesn’t have to be. I can call my lawyer and just have it changed to the weekend after before all of the paperwork is completed. I’m sure it won’t make any difference. Don’t worry, darling, I’m not going to make you spend your 25th birthday with a three-year-old.”

Therese’s eyes flickered downward and she used her fork to drag a piece of lettuce around her plate. It was difficult to contain her dejection about being excluded from this part of Carol’s life. 

But Carol must’ve read it as something entirely different. “Please don’t feel guilty about this. I understand. Plus, I’ve had a lot in mind for your birthday. I get not wanting a child around.” 

Carol’s head was craning down, trying to catch Therese’s eyes. The fork scraping across the porcelain stopped. Therese spent time on Carol’s words now. She thought that Therese felt guilty - not sad - meaning she thought Therese was upset about her birthday - not about being kept from Rindy again. At least that’s what seemed to be the case. She needed Carol to confirm, though, before she out-and-out asked for what she truly wanted. 

“Carol, do you think I don’t want to spend time with you and Rindy?”

There was a stillness in the moment, Carol just tilted her head to the side and studied Therese, before responding, “I never thought asking you to spend your free time with a toddler was a particularly alluring suggestion.” Her brows furrowed, and she asked a question to which she seemed to already know the answer: “Do you _want_ to spend the weekend of your birthday with me and Rindy?”

Therese put the fork down on her plate, pushed it toward the center of the table, and folded her arms on the space it once sat, leaning forward on her elbows. She stared for a second before speaking. “Of course I do.”

And Therese wished she could read minds, to know what Carol was thinking about when her eyes left Therese’s and stared at a spot just next to her, focusing on nothing really, her lips moving slightly, looking as if she was biting the inside of her lip as it twitched into a shy grin. 

Carol’s gaze flitted back up, and she breathed in and then out, her voice was quiet and giddy, “I’m so excited.” The words tumbled out, like she had been trying hard not to say them but had anyway. Therese thought her eyes might actually be sparkling.

A piece of Carol’s hair had fallen into her face, obstructing Therese from the perfect view. She reached over and pushed it behind her ear and then said, “so am I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will things always be this great? Probably not. But for now...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 4/20 (nothing remotely related to that happens in this chapter)
> 
> This is half of two chapters, because it was getting too long to be one.

There was a smugness that Therese felt when she walked down the street next to Carol. It was how she felt five months ago when they walked through the West Village, from the Apple Store to that bar where they’d gotten drinks in exchange for Carol’s bracelet. Therese felt a similar air of superiority today. Maybe it was the presence of the same black Chanel bag from that day, or the iced coffee Carol drank like elixir. But today Carol’s free hand was laced fittingly into Therese’s. She was going on about plans for the weekend but Therese’s mind was spent trying to occupy the view of an outsider, to imagine their envy when passing by. She grinned at nobody in particular. 

Carol stopped and tugged Therese with her. “Excuse me? Are you even listening?”

She wasn’t mad, she was smirking, a glint of disbelief in her eyes. Who knows how long she’d been talking without an audience?

Therese relented. “No.”

Carol shifted her still-smiling jaw and shook her head, looking upward. “What am I supposed to do with you? Am I already so boring?”

She was joking, but Therese knew she loved a good reminder of how untrue that was. “I was thinking _just_ the opposite, actually.”

“This, I like. Please, go on…” Carol’s hand left Therese’s and her arm wove around her waist instead. It was a rare gesture (but becoming more frequent), and when Therese looked to Carol in acknowledgement, her shy smile was an interesting juxtaposition to her performative arrogance.

“Like I need to tell you how great you are…if I do any more your head will inflate so much you’ll float away. But I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

Their pace was slow and Carol rolled her eyes as people stomped around to pass them. But they both knew Carol was almost always that person herself. Not today though. About to launch into explanation again, Carol’s words were cut off by the sound of one of their phones ringing. It was Carol’s. She frowned, narrowed her eyes, and Therese had a feeling she knew who it was.

They stopped walking again, pausing, but not sitting, by a bench. 

“Hi, Harge.”

Yes, that was who Therese had suspected. He’d been very…communicative lately. Since the hearing. 

The day after the hearing, Abby had brought Katie over in the evening and Carol, once again, went over exactly how the entire situation had played out, still bewildered by the unfolding of events.

Without a second thought, Katie blurted out her theory. “ _Oh._ He _met_ someone.”

Abby and Therese stayed silent, but Carol’s eyes widened. She smiled, interested and hopeful. “Do you think?”

“Absolutely.” Katie said it like there wasn’t a question about it. “Think about it: it’s, above all, the best way to move on from someone. Plus, how would it sound - in 2019, in New York City - to tell your new girlfriend, ‘yeah, I’m divorcing my ex-wife and really trying to make her life miserable because she told me she’s gay and I can’t handle it.’ I’ll tell you how it sounds: not great.”

They fucking prayed it was true, and it wasn’t some resting calm before an unexpected storm. But two and a half weeks passed and he’d still been less combative. There hadn’t been any major confrontation, anyway. There was a little annoyance about him not driving Rindy into the city until Saturday morning, and not Friday night. But Carol would live with that until they worked out a better plan. Rindy had swimming lessons in Scarsdale after school on Fridays, and Carol wasn’t about to disrupt that just for a few extra hours.

But now Carol was again on the phone with Harge, the Thursday before _the_ weekend.

“I’m great. How are you?”

Carol made a curled her lip and raised an eyebrow and it made Therese laugh.

“Oh…yes. Of course that’s okay. I just thought - ”

Wanting to know what was going on, Therese extracted a notepad from her bag and a pen. Carol took it and put one foot up on the bench, using her knee as a surface. 

“No, I’m just wondering why, that’s all.” 

Carol wrote: _‘Harge wants to drop Rindy off tomorrow night’_ and held up one finger to Therese while she apparently got an explanation. 

The newfound chumminess between Carol and Harge wasn’t something Therese could say she loved. She’d told Carol as much, when her attitude toward him started shifting drastically when he’d caved on the Rindy issue. It left Therese feeling jealous and vulnerable and bitter, given Harge was the person who’d done everything to make Carol’s life - and by extension, her own - harder for months now. When she said this to Carol, in a small voice Therese only recognized from the person she once was, the person that gradually had faded away after meeting Carol, she had braced for an argument. But Carol looked heartbroken. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to make you feel that way.” She folded her arms and cast her gaze downward. “But darling, just know that I struggle with wanting to let my fucking… rage toward him take over _every time_ we speak. He was a fucking menace for so long. And I still can’t forgive him for causing me to nearly lose you. I never will. Not completely.” Carol looked scared, like part of her thought it might still happen, and took a shaky breath in before continuing, pausing while she searched for her words. “But I wasn’t totally free of guilt in our marriage - and divorce - either. I mean, _obviously._ And to be able to just move on and not have this combativeness clouding over us and Rindy is what I’d much rather do. Because it’s exhausting, being at war all the time. And I’m so tired of being tired.”

And that was enough for Therese. Her jealousy and judgement was replaced with compassion, because Carol was right. Therese knew Carol didn’t need another stressor in her life. She’d spent years fighting with herself, and then Harge, and why prolong it when there was an offer to stop and rest? Therese forgot to respond, and left Carol looking wary and repeating again that she was sorry, so she brought her hands to Carol’s cheeks and pushed them together to squish her face. She could feel Carol’s smile beneath her palms and laughed. 

“I get it. Thank you for talking to me and not getting mad. I’d like to make dinner now.”

Well, Carol would make dinner. Therese would drink a Manhattan, watch her cook and claimed she helped. 

Carol’s next question to Harge brought Therese’s focus back to the phone conversation. “We? Who’s _we?”_ Carol looked at Therese conspiratorially. “Tell me, Harge. I want to know.”

She closed her eyes and shook her head, a sly smile appearing. 

“Fine. Whatever. I have to go, though, so I’ll see you tomorrow at 5:30?” Carol pinched the bridge of her nose, still listening. “Fine, bye.”

Carol hung up and looked at Therese, one foot still propped on the bench. She sighed and Therese asked, “so Rindy is coming tomorrow night after all?”

Slowly, Carol nodded. She was smiling, but it was hesitant. Therese didn’t blame her. The arrangements of Rindy’s visit hadn’t been the most linear, considering. “She is. Harge is dropping her off after her swimming lessons.” She paused, and added, “and then he said ‘ _we’re_ going out of town’ and that ‘ _we’d_ ’ pick her up Sunday night.”

Therese cocked her head to the side and watched as Carol pondered. Maybe Katie had been right. Logically, Therese knew that Carol would be relieved, but she couldn’t stop herself from feeling like Carol’s interest in the idea was somehow rooted in regret. She swallowed that thought back down when Carol turned off the bench and nodded for Therese to follow, to continue their walk back to her apartment. 

\------

Dannie, Phil, and Grace (Therese was trying, somewhat successfully, to make Grace and Dannie happen) took Therese out for dinner on Friday night. Her and Carol had kept plans for Friday night loose, just in case, which they wound up thanking themselves for. Carol thought it was best for Rindy to spend the night and Saturday morning with just her, and Therese agreed. Even though she wanted to be with them, she was nervous. It would be like ripping off a bandaid - glad once it happened, but putting it off when the excuse presented itself was fine, too. 

“So did Carol give you anything for your birthday yet? Or is she waiting until Sunday?” Dannie asked and everyone else looked curious. Therese would be too, if the tables were turned and one of her friends was dating someone who was, well, fairly wealthy and not shy about it.

If Carol had more gifts coming on Sunday, Therese wouldn’t know what to do. Last weekend, Carol had made her keep her Sunday afternoon open, and then when the day came, ordered an Uber for Therese to take her to go get a 90-minute massage. Carol had paid for that, and another five sessions, to be used whenever Therese wanted. On Tuesday, Grace dragged her out during lunch to get a manicure and pedicure. Carol had gotten her number from Therese’s phone and texted her about it, and she was happy to be Therese’s plus-one. Wednesday, instead of using one of Carol’s quickly depleting guest-passes at Equinox, Carol pulled Therese to the front desk and bought her her own gym membership. And then there was all of the fucking sex, but Therese didn’t share that part with her friends. 

Phil’s jaw was hanging open. “It isn’t even your birthday yet.”

“Right, but we’ll be with her daughter on my birthday, so I think the big stuff is over.” 

Getting the chance to be with Carol while she had Rindy was a present in and of itself, too. 

Then the conversation shifted to the weekend, and how Therese was feeling about it. 

Grace had the most helpful input. “You should totally be like the dad’s fiance in Parent Trap. What was her name in the movie?”

“ _Meredith Blake._ ” Phil’s film knowledge - however unimportant - was endless.

“Right, Meredith Blake. You could rock that black sports bra and track jacket look.”

The look might be inspiring, but, Therese pointed out, she was a villain. So Phil suggested the stepmom in Legally Blonde. Except, “her stepdaughter framed her for murder.” And as the list of notable stepmoms went on, it left Therese with the thought that the new significant others of kids’ parents were generally loathed. Or at least they were in movies. Almost universally. She didn't have much real-life experience of her own to compare it to, but she'd had friends growing up who were largely unimpressed with whoever their mom or dad moved on to. And so Therese had to beg her friends to change the subject to anything else. 

\------

After dinner and a few bars, Therese laid in her bed, staring up at the ceiling fan.

She missed Carol.

It hadn’t even been a full day, but she missed her. 

It was midnight and she was feeling the drunk buzz from the after-dinner drinks she’d had with her friends wear away and fade into melancholia. At first the nights Therese spent apart from Carol were necessary, they needed to miss one another, and it was an invigorating type of missing. But now the missing was more of an annoyance. She’d so much rather be with Carol all the time than without. 

By now it was no longer surprising that Carol would text her when Therese was thinking of doing the same. It happened frequently, so much so that they’d joked they had telepathy and decided the emoji of the woman getting her head rubbed was what they’d use for mind-reading instead. For whatever reason.

A few weeks back, Therese had gazed out Carol’s window and said, “your neighbors Christmas lights are _killing me._ ” And Carol shouted that she had just been thinking the exact same thing. It was the telepathy. 

Therese stared at her. “What am I thinking about right now?”

It was, of course, not serious, but Carol still squinted her eyes and cocked her head to the side. “You’re thinking about that train conductor on the 1 from the other day.” That wasn’t it, but it sent her and Carol into a fit of laughter remembering the bizarrely enthusiastic voice over the train’s loudspeaker announcing the significant landmarks that were near each stop. 

“No, I’m thinking about the woman in the wedding dress who was digging through the garbage.” 

Then they were laughing harder. They’d spent one full afternoon hypothesizing what exactly the woman had been doing. “Probably looking for her husband,” was one of Carol’s answer, while Therese said, “hopefully she’ll leave that hideous dress in that trash when she’s done.” And Carol doubled over, thrilled because it was rare for Therese to be so mean. 

And sitting in her bed, after being with her friends all night, getting a text from Carol was exactly what she'd wanted, because, while her friends were absolutely wonderful and made her laugh, Carol made her laugh harder.

Carol’s message was of a similar sentiment to what Therese was feeling. She’d wished Therese was there, but the evening with Rindy had been great. Rindy requested sushi for dinner (and Therese was reminded of the world in which Rindy grew up), they watched _Incredibles 2,_ they read a book, and now Rindy was sleeping. 

_Does she like her room?_

For weeks, Carol had been fussing over Rindy’s bedroom. The books, the toys, the sheets, the pictures. It all had to be perfect. It was an understandable anxiety, and Therese did her best to help, but resigned to the fact that Carol would likely nitpick until Rindy arrived. 

_She loves it. But she’s sleeping next to me because we were having too good of a time and then she fell asleep. I selfishly don’t want to move her._

Therese was equal parts sad she wasn’t there to witness that - Rindy sleeping, probably face-down, how she usually slept according to Carol, and Carol tucked behind her - and happy that Carol had this time with Rindy to herself. Finally not just one afternoon, but full days and nights. 

\-----

Not even the walk from the 1st Avenue L station to Carol’s apartment calmed Therese down. It wasn’t that Therese was spending the day with a three-year-old - she was pretty good with young kids, having been around plenty growing up. It was this specific three-year-old. Her girlfriend’s child. It literally _had_ to go well. There wasn’t another option. Therese brought her camera and planned to use it as a way to gain points with Rindy. Carol had told Therese that Rindy loved having her picture taken. She was shy, but still three and loved attention. 

On Seventh Street, at the bottom of Carol’s building, Therese took a deep breath and reached for the buzzer. She paused first, examining herself in the sliver of window next to the front door. There was nothing special about her outfit - black skinny jeans, black lace-up boots, a t-shirt. But then there was the light jacket, because it was finally spring, and the slightly-rounded, black wayfarer sunglasses perched on her nose. Those were new. The previous morning, Carol had pushed an unwrapped glasses case toward Therese, the words _Saint Laurent_ embossed on the black leather, and said, “I know it’s raining now, but it’s supposed to be beautiful this weekend.”

She bit the bullet and pressed the buzzer. The door unlocked immediately and she began her slow ascent of the stairs. Instead of letting herself in, Carol was there, door opened just slightly as she leaned on the frame. Carol looked at Therese with calm in her eyes but excitement in her tight smile, and Therese felt any fear or dread she was clinging onto wash away. Because in the end, there was Carol. Always Carol. And Carol finally knew what she was doing. 

“Hey, I missed you.” She kissed Therese and grabbed the bag that contained Therese’s clothes and work needs, then grabbed her hand and pulled her inside. “Rindy is in her room. She wants to pick out her own outfit today, so…can’t wait for that.”

Therese laughed, grateful for the casualness, the normalcy. “She likes her new clothes?” Carol had stocked Rindy’s closet with several new dresses and skirts and leggings and tops. Everything had been ordered online, with Carol just scrolling, selecting, and adding whatever caught her eye to her cart. She wasn’t one to ogle over baby clothes and little shoes in stores, so the convenience of having everything delivered won out over shopping. 

“We’ll see, I suppose.” Carol winked at Therese and kissed her again before shouting to Rindy. “Rindy, how’s the outfit coming along?” 

There was a muffled, small voice that responded. She wasn’t finished yet, there was too much to choose from and she was still in her pajamas.

“Oh, Jesus. Okay.” Carol said it to Therese and then called out again. “Honey, can you pause and come here for a minute?”

They’d met before, Therese told herself. Gotten along even, as they decorated that doomed Christmas tree. But kids had selective memories, and that day didn’t have the best of endings. But maybe that was Therese’s own selective memory tainting the good parts. Carol walked to Rindy’s bedroom door, waiting for her to open in before scooping her up. She said something like, “god, you’re getting big,” as they approached Therese.

“Rindy, do you remember mommy’s friend Therese?” They waited for a response. Rindy tried, looking at Therese and then to Carol, her eyes looking for the correct answer. “It’s okay if you don’t. Remember the Christmas tree at mommy and daddy’s house that you decorated?”

This, Rindy remembered, and she nodded her head and looked back at Therese, seeming to place her, or at least having the memory of another adult other than her mother there that day. Carol pointed out that Therese had been there, and she helped untangle the lights with Rindy. 

“Can you say hi to Therese?”

Finally Rindy managed a small, shy greeting and Carol and Therese smiled at each other, and then again to Rindy. Carol told Rindy that the next day was Therese’s birthday, an exciting concept for Rindy who marveled at the information and then asked Therese how old she was. 

“I’ll be twenty-five.”

It was an age Rindy could hardly believe, and she ignored the information, instead responding with the fact that she’d be, “four in July.”

The introduction came to a close when Carol wanted Rindy to go and get ready, and to please, “just pick out something quickly, sweetie. We’re taking you to the park.”

That was highly motivating, and Rindy scampered back to her bedroom, leaving Therese to feel her cheeks grow warm under Carol’s affectionate gaze. Eventually Carol stopped staring and shook out her head, like she was trying to snap herself out of something. She sighed, and muttered, “I love this.”

They sat on the couch while they waited for Rindy and went over their itinerary. It wouldn’t be much: taking Rindy to the playground, going to get a few things Carol needed to cook dinner, and then back to the apartment. “Rindy will probably need a nap at some point, because she was up before six this morning. Which means _I_ was up before six this morning.”

“So Carol’s going to need a nap, probably.”

Carol gave Therese a sheepish smile. “Maybe. We’ll see.”

When Rindy emerged, presenting herself to Therese and Carol, Carol threw her hands up, exasperated. “Of course.”

A blue dress with giant goldfish was worn over red leggings with a snake down the sides, and pink leopard-print rain boots tied the look together. At least Rindy had a theme. 

“Rindy, you have a _matching top_ to those leggings.”

Therese saw this as an opportunity. “I like it. All the different animals.”

The look of defiance that Rindy shot Carol was one Therese had seen a million times on Carol’s own face. Carol always pointed out how different her and Rindy looked, but Therese could spot the mirrored expressions and gestures from miles away. Because, like anybody, Carol rarely noticed her own mannerisms, she probably didn’t notice the copied ones that came from Rindy. Therese made a mental note to point it out, or show her somehow, because that was something to truly be proud of. Anybody could make a child that looked like them if they were simply lucky, but behavior was learned and picked-up through teaching and admiration. 

“Fine, let’s go,” was all Carol said, and she helped Rindy put on her jacket. 

While they packed necessities for their outing - a snack and a water bottle for Rindy, a camera for Therese - Rindy had inquiries regarding Therese’s birthday, namely, “will we have cake for Therese’s birthday?” She didn’t quite nail the pronunciation of Therese’s name, but it was a solid attempt.

“It’s _Ter-ez,_ sweetie. And of course we will. That’ll be tonight.” Carol was handing Rindy child-sized sunglasses before putting on her own. Now the cake was of interest, and Rindy asked what kind, and Carol told her they’d have whatever cake was Therese’s favorite. 

The answer was strange, because Therese knew that Carol already knew, but it made sense when Rindy asked, “what’s Therese’s favorite?”

“Why don’t you ask Therese. She’s standing right there.”

When Rindy turned to her, arms folded, waiting expectantly for the answer to a question she knew Therese had overheard, Therese might as well have been looking at Carol, with the same crossed arms and impatient, challenging gaze. She told Rindy, “stay like that, don’t move,” before snapping a picture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember me? Remember this story? Lol sorry about that!
> 
> But for real, I don't hate this story. I just dislike children, and haven't spent much time around them, and then got myself into the predicament of needing to write one. Not my wheelhouse. Plus, while there are plenty lovely depictions of Rindy in other stories, for the most part I find myself unimpressed and disinterested by them. But I think I managed okay?


End file.
